What are we buying for?

Lately I find shopping habits running away from me with my debit card in tow. I walk into work in one outfit, and walk out in another. My long work hours used to prevent my compulsive shopping habit- with stores closing at 7 or 8- but now that I work in a store daily that ‘inconvenience’ no longer serves as a barrier. But who am I kidding? This bad habit reaches far wider than impulse purchases made only at the ‘office’ and this past weekend forced me to contemplate the psychology of shopping a bit more…

Last Saturday I walked into Ina in a pair of Prada flats (a previous compulsive purchase) and was damn close to walking out in snakeskin Valentino heels- carnation sized flowers at the toe- that looked perfect with my outfit for the day. Just perfect. I stood in front of the mirror admiring them for 15 minutes before realizing just how close I was to handing over the last few hundred dollars in my bank account for a pair of shoes. The gesture sounds almost romantic- in a fashiony kind of way- and would have been, but after calculating the amount of money spent on clothes already this month I knew I was not in Kansas anymore. I frantically collected my compulsive urges, shoved them to the bottom of my being, and marched out the door headed west.

There is something about this time of year (maybe the moon?), where I continually find myself nearing the edge. Thankfully I came to my senses just before going over it.

Safe and sound ten blocks away (do you find there's a shopping radius that has to be broken to truly free yourself from the temptation?) I took refuge on the bench outside of Raoul’s, secured a glass of my favorite red, and contemplated just what exactly are we buying for?

It has nothing to do with self-esteem, lord knows I probably have too much, and I’m not buying for the approval of others. In fact I chose not to buy for the approval of others in this particular instance. I knew if I showed up to drinks with Glynnis in a new pair of heels she would be so dismayed, and then there I would be with my shameful shoes, the absurdity of my behavior becoming increasingly and embarrassingly apparent over the course of the night.

No, this compulsive shopping is more individual and internal than all of that. It’s the rush of the purchase and how that purchase is going to transform some part of you. If we are, like I believe, all dressing up for this theater of life and our outfits are visual expressions of the character we’re ‘playing’, what happens when by the end of the day you are identifying with a different side of your character? You instinctively want to be dressed as ‘her’! This explains why you leave the house in a mini skirt and boots and by the end of the day you want a toned down t-shirt and flats, why you choose pants some days and dresses others. There is a method to the madness after all. Think about it, and why you’re thinking about it the next time you get dressed.